Sometimes when it's late and quiet, I think about all the things and people I have been through and I almost allways feel overwhelmed like I am still there in those moments going through the whole experience again. I like a little movie playing in my head. It's terrifying and scares the hell out of me. Just like it did when it happened.
They call that PTSD and it's a torture that stays with you forever.
There are days I wake up, and even though the sun is shining, it's dark and gloomy for me all day. A sadness so deep it makes me cold and lifeless. all of the ugly rotten past creeps up and feeds a fridge fire in me that, in turn, is self-destruction. You don't see me out and about those days.
They call that depression and I spend days in battle with it.
I have found ways to function despite those things as heavey as they are. I even managed to move forward in some areas of my life. Little success pieces. But they don't surface long before they are covered in darkness and lost in the deep sadness.
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