Ugly, That's how I feel. When I look in the mirror I am disgusted. There is just an old woman who is fat and ugly with bad teeth and a deep dark sadness in her eyes that there is no cure for, 

My man tells me that I am beautiful but he says this for his own reasons I'm sure. There are plenty of women out there and I believe I am just a jumping stone to a better life with a woman that he really wants to be with.

I have no desire to be with any one else and half the time I would rather be alone. So I say jump. While you still can with out looking like a complete pos for leaving a woman when she is in a bad way. Go now while I am still capable of taking care of myself. Go now while you are young enough to go find Miss perfect. 

All my life all I ever really wanted was to be loved, to be cared about, to be accepted and understood. I have lived my whole life seeking those things and I have yet to find any of those things in a man. My guess is I wont ever find those things in a man. 

I am alone even when he is right next to me I am alone, He s always preoccupied with his phone and games or shopping for toys. I have no place in his virtual world what so ever. He does shit online I have no clue about. Occasionally I find something and its never anything good. He asked me to marry him, then 3 days later I found his dating profile on Facebook singles. He claims it was because he felt like nobody looked at him like a man. He just wanted to see if any other woman would want him,

Maybe I should have cut and run then but I forgave him and let it go. I know he still talks to all of his x's and I know the shit that's talked about is probably not anything in my favor. They can have him if they want him but chances are they had their fill of his bullshit long ago as I have.

He tells me I'm the only one and that he loves me and only me. I don't believe him any more. How can I when he doesn't even have the time to listen to anything I say? How can I when he is so selfish and self centered that I am his last thought of importance?

He tries to blame me for every thing he does that's wrong or doesn't work out for him. He has never been accountable for anything. It's always some one else's fault. I am first in line because I am with him all the time I guess. Or maybe because I put up with his bullshit the way I do, always forgiving him for the crap he does to me.