I am so tired, not the kind of tired that you can sleep and fix either. No, I am the kind of tired that simply says, "I Give Up!" I don't have anything left inside to fight for. I am a product of my environment, a loser. I have no value and no self esteem. I only bring grief and disappointment to those around me and I haven't got anything that anyone even wants any more. I have lost my way and in doing so I have lost my will.I am not a mother nor was I ever. I let my kid down repeatedly through her whole life. I did to her what my mother did to me. I couldn't even see it. I never learned to be loyal to my family, so consequently, I wasn't there for my dad and my family when he was dying and asking for me. I moved so far away that I left my little sister to face the world alone with out my support or help. I let 10 years pass by with out seeing 90% of my own blood family. I let my other sister move so far away that we can't help each other either.
Some how I let my BFF get so far away that our whole friendship seems like it was just a rare but good dream.
Last but not least I disrespect, abuse, neglect and mistreat my own boyfriend, and as a consequence he now hates me.
With all this, I give you the last thing I have, an apology.
I am sorry that I was not enough, that I was not smarter, or faster. I am so sorry that I hurt you and negatively affected your lives. I am sorry that I brought so much grief to all of you.
I know now what I have done and how much damage I have caused.
I also know that I can never change any of it, or take it back.
And I have nothing left inside to offer you all to ease the pain.
I really don't know what will happen to me or what I will do. I don't have any answers and I have run out of all the things that once kept me moving forward. I am to tired to try to find the sun. I am angry and bitter about my losses maybe so much so that it has cost me a good life. I may never know happiness. It seems hopelessly out of my reach.
Maybe it is my punishment for all the things I have done.
10 comments:
Hope you're feeling a bit better now. Found this site by typing my own thoughts about myself into google and it came up with you. So, just wanted to knowif you're ok now and know things can only get better. xx
You have NEVER negatively affected my life!!!!!!
I just want to see what happens when some one decided to give up. I feel i am at that point and i wanted to see if things got better for you or if you are still alive. If you are dead then I will not get a response from you.
Dear Anonymous,
Things get better then worse then better again. As it was the time of this writing, I was pretty depressed and my world was coming to an end as it was. My 10 year relationship was over but I was still living in his house.
I had no where to go but had to go. He took away my dogs and the only things that kept me moving forward. I had no support or help of any kind.
I am not designed to self destruct nor am I able to just give up so I gathered my senses and I walked off the hill I lived on with my head held high in to the great unknown. I'm still out here today struggling to just survive.
Dear Anonymous,
Things get better then worse then better again. As it was the time of this writing, I was pretty depressed and my world was coming to an end as it was. My 10 year relationship was over but I was still living in his house.
I had no where to go but had to go. He took away my dogs and the only things that kept me moving forward. I had no support or help of any kind.
I am not designed to self destruct nor am I able to just give up so I gathered my senses and I walked off the hill I lived on with my head held high in to the great unknown. I'm still out here today struggling to just survive.
Dear Anonymous,
Things get better then worse then better again. As it was the time of this writing, I was pretty depressed and my world was coming to an end as it was. My 10 year relationship was over but I was still living in his house.
I had no where to go but had to go. He took away my dogs and the only things that kept me moving forward. I had no support or help of any kind.
I am not designed to self destruct nor am I able to just give up so I gathered my senses and I walked off the hill I lived on with my head held high in to the great unknown. I'm still out here today struggling to just survive.
Dear Anonymous,
Things get better then worse then better again. As it was the time of this writing, I was pretty depressed and my world was coming to an end as it was. My 10 year relationship was over but I was still living in his house.
I had no where to go but had to go. He took away my dogs and the only things that kept me moving forward. I had no support or help of any kind.
I am not designed to self destruct nor am I able to just give up so I gathered my senses and I walked off the hill I lived on with my head held high in to the great unknown. I'm still out here today struggling to just survive.
Dear Anonymous,
Things get better then worse then better again. As it was the time of this writing, I was pretty depressed and my world was coming to an end as it was. My 10 year relationship was over but I was still living in his house.
I had no where to go but had to go. He took away my dogs and the only things that kept me moving forward. I had no support or help of any kind.
I am not designed to self destruct nor am I able to just give up so I gathered my senses and I walked off the hill I lived on with my head held high in to the great unknown. I'm still out here today struggling to just survive.
Dear Anonymous,
Things get better then worse then better again. As it was the time of this writing, I was pretty depressed and my world was coming to an end as it was. My 10 year relationship was over but I was still living in his house.
I had no where to go but had to go. He took away my dogs and the only things that kept me moving forward. I had no support or help of any kind.
I am not designed to self destruct nor am I able to just give up so I gathered my senses and I walked off the hill I lived on with my head held high in to the great unknown. I'm still out here today struggling to just survive.
Dear Anonymous,
Things get better then worse then better again. As it was the time of this writing, I was pretty depressed and my world was coming to an end as it was. My 10 year relationship was over but I was still living in his house.
I had no where to go but had to go. He took away my dogs and the only things that kept me moving forward. I had no support or help of any kind.
I am not designed to self destruct nor am I able to just give up so I gathered my senses and I walked off the hill I lived on with my head held high in to the great unknown. I'm still out here today struggling to just survive.
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